


Broken Inside

by fandomoverload



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-24
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-22 07:45:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12476736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomoverload/pseuds/fandomoverload
Summary: Chloe and Lucifer end up at a survivor's meeting and Lucifer decides to tell a story.    He gets a lot off of his chest, and Chloe draws the wrong conclusions.   A one shot for now, more notes in the story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author’s Notes:   I can’t help myself I’m in a writing mood.   This came to me the other day and I was like whoa I need to write it.   The thing is I don’t know if it should be the start of a new story or if it should’ve been in a story so yea it’s a one shot for now.   I’ll let you guys tell me if I should continue from this or is it fine the way it is.   Enjoy this while I proof the next chapter of Day of the Dead, and then that will be posted.   Remember comments are love.**

**Broken Inside**

Chloe Decker didn’t know what was wrong with her partner.   He was always a bit strange, and for the most parts harmless unless provoked.   The thing is something is off about him now, ever since he was kidnapped there has been something different about him.    He’s a lot more tense and serious.    He doesn’t like to be touched, and he’s not as playful as he used to be.   She misses her friend, and more “importantly she was worried about him.   She wanted to make things better, but he didn’t seem to want her too.

Lucifer hadn’t been sleeping and it was finally taken its toll on him.    He was the devil he could go many nights without sleep, but the not sleeping and then coming to work with Chloe, and whatever was going on back there with THOSE things were messing with him deeply.   He felt sluggish, and sometimes he could just drift off and each time it seemed a little harder for him to wake up.    Then there were the dreams, dreams of the desert and the violation of it all and waking up with the wings.   It was getting to be too much, soon he was going to have to give in.    Soon he would have to embrace the divinity to tend to his wounds and to complete his transformation.   Then he’d become a devil/angel, something new for his father to play with.   He didn’t want that, he wouldn’t let him win.    He looked up and that’s when he noticed where they were.

“Detective might I ask why we are at the hospital?” he asked confused.

“I knew you weren’t listening.   The victim’s ex-wife meets here twice a week.   We need to talk to her and see if she’s our guy.

“What type of meeting, do you really think you should be taking me to another NA meeting?” he smirked knowingly.

“I assure you I remember that experience well, no this is a support group for rape victims Lucifer.   Have you not been listening?    The people inside this room are very sensitive Lucifer.   We are going to let her finish her meeting and then we are to question her.   Do not make a mockery of the situation going on in here, and you can’t do anything to help keep your mouth shut.   In second thought, just keep your mouth shut from the get go, I don’t need to file another report about you.”

“You seem tense detective, very touchy.    I know that you are worried about the things that Lt. Pierce are saying, but you need not worry about him.   You are a splendid detective, and I’m always here as they say on your six.   Is that what they say?”

“Do you Lucifer?    I mean once there was no doubt in my mind that you had my back, but ever since you disappeared I’m not sure.    We need to get this woman to trust us and tell us the truth, but a part of me is afraid to have you anyway near her because lately everything is either a joke, or you have a wild outburst of some kind.   I need to know that you have my back, that you want to help me on all of this.   Also, I want you to know that I’m here for you as well.   If you need anything Lucifer, I’m here.” She put her hand on his shoulder where he immediately brushed her off.

“I assure you once more I’m fine.” He stated harshly exiting the car.

She knew that something was wrong with him.    If things would just cool down maybe she would have time to investigate here closely, but right now she had to find out if Jessica Miles finally got her justice and killed her husband.

 

*BI*

Lucifer was finding this quite boring, everyone here looked shell-shocked.   They reminded him of how he was feeling, and he didn’t like it, he didn’t like it all.   Then they got up to speak.    When he looked in the eyes of the first woman, she really was quite lovely and then when she told what happened to her he could feel the anger building inside of him.    He wanted to hunt down this man and make him pay, but something she said made him even angrier, because it was her own husband who had did this to her.   Every woman who had stood up told her their husband, friend, neighbor, even son and he found himself more and more disgusted.

The thing was after every woman finished Jessica met them at the podium with a warm hug and words of comfort, she wanted them to know that it would all get better.   She was a good woman, and if Curtis Miles had done this to her he wanted to shake her hand and tell her of a job well done.    He needed a way in, and he couldn’t believe he was about to do this.    She wanted him to be helpful on the case, well like saying says “Be careful what you wish for”.   He was about to test that water.

“Yes, I would like to say something.” He stated taking the podium.

“Lucifer!” Chloe warned.

“Detective you asked me to be helpful on the case, and that’s what I’m doing now Mrs. Miles is this not a place for people to find help who needs it?”

“Yes, it is, is there something you need to say?”

“Yes, I need to say it now before I lose the nerve.”

“Go ahead.”

Chloe took this moment to take a seat and really look at him.    He was no longer stirring close to the “homeless magician” thing he had going.   No in fact he wore a three-piece suit, and he had a new accessory of a pocket watch that she had noticed him playing with a lot, but his eyes, there was something in his eyes that she didn’t quite like.

“I’m finding myself angry.    Three weeks, 3 days, 11 hours, and 2 seconds ago it happened.   My whole life changed.     The last thing I remember is I was walking out of my friend’s hospital room, and calling Chloe and telling her I was going to come over, I wanted to finally tell her everything.   More importantly I wanted to tell her how she makes me feel, but all of that was shattered when I was kidnapped.    I woke up in the desert half naked, and when I stood I knew it had happened, that he had forced himself on me!”

“Lucifer?” Chloe questioned rising to her feet

She was stopped by him raising a shaky hand, as if he had to finish what he was saying.   She stopped, but she didn’t take her seat she waited.

“I got to my feet and I could feel them, well I could feel him all over me.    He was forcing his will, he was proven to me again that I thought I had gotten away, but I hadn’t because he’d always have the upper hand.   I could barely walk, my shoes were gone, but I finally made it home.   I thought that once I got back here that I’d feel safe, I mean I’m Lucifer Morningstar the actual devil.    There’s no one that I’m supposed to be afraid of, there’s no one who should be able to have power over me.   The truth is he does, he has always had the power.

Every morning I wake up disgusted with myself because I can still feel it back there and no matter how much I scratch, pull, cut, or maim myself I can’t get rid of his presence no matter how I try.    It was different when I was a child and I didn’t know any better, after all I was his favorite son.   He was my father, whatever he wanted I did it.   I was a good little soldier, I never questioned anything that he did, and when I realized that I had let him violate me for so long, and when I wanted out, he casted me out from everyone.    I tried to make them see, I tried to tell them what he was doing, but they never believed me, not even my own mother.    They just let him send me away, but of course not before he left his mark.   This time it was the worst ever, and all over.   You don’t get to see those scars though, those are for me.” He sighed.

 

Chloe thought she might be sick.    She was looking for signs that he was lying, but he always told her that the devil doesn’t lie.    The thing is if he was saying what she thought he was saying?    He never came out and said that his father had sexual abused him, but that’s what this meeting was for, and he said he forced himself on him.    What was going on?   He was still talking and that’s what scared her?

“I’m not a good person, far from it I’m afraid.    I’m a punisher, I punisher those who hurt people, and as I sat back there listening to what you ladies went through, and how you came back stronger than ever I had to say bravo to you, but I also want names because those who crossed that line with you need to be punished.    They were the ones that loved you, the ones who were supposed to protect you, the father’s that were supposed to love you.    My father loved me, and I loved him until I figured out that what he was doing was wrong, and I had questions.    Then I got away, and I’ve been out of my prison for six years now, my friend got me out, but he found me, and he forced…. he forced….no matter what I do I can’t stop feeling him.   He’s right there under the surface.   I keep cutting him away, and everyday he's gift is back, proving that he will always have the upper hand.    He’s coming back I know it, and this time no matter how much I love him after this time I know he’s the monster and I’m going to have to hurt him.   Then all of you are going to die because I decided that I have to kill God.”

“Okay Lucifer that’s enough!” Chloe stated rushing the stage.

“Detective I’m not finish.” He told her reaching for the mic.

“Lucifer, I think you and I need to talk.” Chloe explained.

“You don’t understand, you’ll never understand.   These women know how it feels to be used by the very person who is supposed to keep you safe.”

“Lucifer, let’s go now.” She demanded.

 

Lucifer took that moment to look into her eyes, and he stopped reaching for the mic.    She wasn’t afraid for him messing up her case, she had already forgotten about that.   She was worried about him, she wanted to know what happened to him.

“Chloe?” he questioned softly.

“Let’s just forget about this for now, and go someplace and talk about all of this.   I’m here for you Lucifer, you do know you mean more to me than this job, right?”

“Yes detective, I’m starting to get that.” He told her taking her hand.

 

**End Notes:  I started writing this after I saw Monday’s episode on Sunday.   Wasn’t that episode great.  Now for this story I never said God was a child molester before anyone says that.  It was just how he feels about the wings, he clearly considers feeling them as feeling a part of his father.   Now I have a lot of stories to finish so this is a one shot for now but what do u guys think?   Should I make a full story out of this?**

 

 


	2. Which Way?

**Author's Notes:   I think i might have lost the mojo.   Also I must warn you that suicide is mentioned in this chapter.**

 

**Chapter 2: Which Way?**

Chloe couldn’t believe her luck.    She had taken Lucifer back out to her car, he was quiet the whole time which had her a bit worried.   She called Lt. Pierce and told him she needed a day, and he reassigned her case, she explained that something was going on with her partner, but she didn’t tell him what she thought, and he gave her the rest of the week.   So, she now had five days to figure out what was going on with her friend.   She was going to get to the bottom of this once and for all.

So many thoughts were going through Lucifer’s head.   He couldn’t believe that he had just stood in front of those humans and what, did he really tell them he was sexually assaulted, him?    He was in a way though, his father had been forcing himself on him for a eons, he was just finally waking up to it all.   Every time he woke up he was always punished.   Ask for free will, fall harder than you ever have, give your mother her own universe, get a set of wings you can’t destroy.    He could feel them growing back.    They were growing back right now.    He looked at his watch, another twenty and they’d be back fully.

This ride was getting to Chloe.   He was quiet, Lucifer was never quiet.   She was watching the road, but she snuck a glance at him and he was looking a bit green.

“Lucifer are you alright?” she asked softly.

Lucifer took that chance to look at her.    She had asked him that he didn’t know how many times in the last hour.    Was he alright?    Did he seem alright?   He just stood in a room full of people and told them how God has forced his power on him.   No, he was not alright, he had wings growing back there, and his devil face was gone, and grace was sliding up his sleeve, and he was losing himself more and more every day and he was terrified.   No, he was not alright.

“As I’ve told you before I’m fine.    You seem to be upset, or angry with me which is something I don’t understand.   You told me to do something and help with the case, so I did.   I stood up there and gave a fantastic testimonial, and before I could even finish you were up there snatching me down.   I really wish you would make up your mind detective your making my head spin.” He told her pressing his face against the window.

Chloe had been driving but she took this time to glance at him once more.    He had his eyes closed again, but he looked a bit green like he might be sick, she didn’t want him to be sick in her ar.

“I’m not liking your coloring, are you okay do you feel nauseous like you might throw up?”

“The devil has never and will never vomit!” he reassured her.

How was she going to do this?     How do you ask someone if they were sexually assaulted?   How do you ask them if it was there father?   How do you do that if the person you’re asking is Lucifer?    Lucifer always seemed so proud to her and well put together, he was almost like a caged bird now, she had to do this very carefully.    She would talk to him like he was a victim, oh god he was a victim.   Now she was the one feeling sick.

“Lucifer?” she questioned.

“Yes.”

“Your little testimonial back there, you realize what you were saying right?”

“I’m not dim detective.   You said that you wanted me to do something to help you with our investigation, and or the first time I was in the right place at the right time.”

She watched all kinds of emotions play over his face.   She was terrified when she saw fear.   He had no reason to fear her this was a happy place.   He began to fidget with that pocket watch again.   It was beautiful, and it had a bunch of weird markings on the front of it.   She would change the subject for now, they were almost to her house.

“That’s beautiful, what does those markings on the front mean?” she asked harmlessly.

 

*BI*

 

He didn’t want to look at her.   Why did she care?    Why was she being so Chloe?    He didn’t need a mother.   He had a mother.   A mother he broke the fabric of the world for, and gave her own universe, but still he had a mother.   Oh, who was he fooling, he had a mother that he murdered.    He’s totally becoming the devil that everyone has described.    Destroying lives left and right, and doing it all while well dressed, with a jaunty tune in his head.   He was evil, and what his father was doing was the worst kind of psychological mind game.

He couldn’t stop touching it.    It was waiting for him when he got out of the desert.   It was just as beautiful as it was when he was a little thing.   He loved the way it shined.    He told him then that when he got older it would be his.   It had the family crest on it and everything.    It was something that told him he belonged someplace.    He was being rewarded for being a good boy and submitting.

He could hear her, she was asking him something, something about the watch.   He looked down and realized he had been holding it.   He had been playing with it the whole time.   He loved it, he accepted it, he was accepting everything, and he didn’t want it, he didn’t want any of it!

 

*BI*

She wasn’t sure what she had said wrong, but she knew that she had something wrong, because he just stopped.   He was playing with the watch, and then it was like a switch was clicked, and he was just off.

“Lucifer?” she asked trying not to panic.

She would admit for the first time in a long time she hit the gas, and got to her apartment in no time.   Once again before the car stopped Lucifer was out of her car faster than a speeding bullet.    She didn’t know what was about to go down, but she was ready, she was ready to be there or Lucifer.

 

*BI*

He couldn’t believe this was happening.   It was so undignified.   He found himself in Chloe’s master bath in front of her toilet vomiting up what felt like everything he had ever eaten in his existence.   He didn’t quite understand what was going on, it was like a dam had been broken, and no matter how he tried to plug it up it just wouldn’t stay plugged.     He was the devil.    He was supposed to strike fear in the hearts of the guilty, but his father was stripping that away from him.   He was rewarding him for a job well done.   He didn’t want to go back there, he wouldn’t!

“Are you okay?” Chloe startled him placing her hand on his back.

She tried to act like she wasn’t hurt when he flinched again.    She didn’t care that he had gotten sick, he had to know, that right?     Didn’t he realize that she as trying to help him, that she was afraid for him.   It was like they were going around and around in circles, like she was repeating everything.   

“I’m sorry, and if you don’t want to talk about it you don’t have too.   I just want you to know that I’m here.    You really do look tired, how about you come on and have a lie down.” She smiled.

“Detective, I appreciate your concern, but I’ve done all the sharing I think I can do today.” He told her trying to smile.

 “No, I’m not going to take that for an answer.   You are always pushing me away lucifer, but you just stood in a room full of strangers and described being…. being hurt, and I’m not going to let you leave here until you understand that I’m here for you and I’m going to help you through this no matter what.”

“My darling Chloe, you’re such a great mother.   You see though, I don’t need a mother because I’m not a human, well around you I’m…...you know what detective you’re right you and I do need to have a conversation.” He beamed.

“Lucifer, I don’t want to pressure you into anything, I just want you to know that I’m here for you.   You mean a lot to me.”

“I know.   I think that I’ve just been missing what’s been in my face for a long time.   I told you that I have a lot that I want to tell you.   I need you to tell you everything right now, before I lose my nerve.   I mean I’ve already pulled off one Band-Aid today why not try another.”

“Okay, well come on we should have this conversation out of the bathroom don’t you think?” Chloe smiled.

“Yes, how about you let me have a moment here to rinse my mouth out.   No need for you to have to talk to me after I’ve done something I never thought I’d do, probably wouldn’t have but you make me a different man.”

“Okay I’ll make coffee, there’s mouthwash in the medicine cabinet.” She gave his shoulder a squeeze and got up from the bathroom floor.

He flushed and splashed some water on his face.   He could do this.   He could go out there and tell her that he was the devil.   It was going to be hard since he had no devil face anymore, but he did have some wings.    Wings were good, maybe he should go with the angel story.    After all he was still an angel, and he did have wings.    He needed to get this whole thing about what his father was doing to him off his chest, he needed someone else to really know and understand.

He opened the medicine cabinet and got out the Scope to rinse his mouth, but something else caught his eye.    Seems like Chloe used those disposable pink razors, and he got an idea.

His father was changing the rules.   He was rewarding him for things that he didn’t need to be rewarded for.   He had killed Uriel, and then he put his mother in a pocket universe alone, and with no way to get back    He should have him for that, but he had given him his wings back, and he could feel the grace seeping through his veins.   He was on his way to redemption and being let back into the silver city.   What gave him the right to do that?   What gives him the right to violate him, and put something inside of him that he didn’t want?   How dare he do that?     He could feel the anger seeping in and he liked it.   He looked in the mirror and his eyes were blazing red.  

That was it, he was the devil and if he belonged anywhere it was in hell, and he knew just the way to ensure that.      He picked up the razor and removed the cover.     He was in Chloe Decker’s house, and she was his friend, she was there for him, but most of all she made him human.    His father was trying to let him back in, but he was his own man and he decided where he would go.   Suicides weren’t allowed in heaven, so the question was do you cut left to right or up and down?

 

**End Notes:   I think I killed what was good about this story.    Two chapters of Day of the Dead tomorrow.**


	3. The Favor

**Author’s Notes:   Okay I said it was going to mention suicide.   I didn’t say it was going to happen.   I wanted to get the next two chapters of Day out to you today, but one comment can drive a girl crazy.   I wanted you to see that I got my mojo back, it’s hard writing a story when only one thing is going on, I normally have two settings going on to bounce from.   Okay so here’s some more of Broken Inside.**

**Chapter 3: The Favor**

Chloe was glad that Lucifer had wanted a minute to collect himself, because she had needed a moment to collect herself.    He was all over the place, and she was afraid that they just kept repeating everything, she needed to get to the bottom of this and now.    She knew that he had thrown up and might not be that hungry, but she was, and she needed something to keep her busy, so she began making her father’s sandwiches.   That way if he didn’t have any she could at least put something in her stomach.    She was half way done with the first two when her cell rang.   She took a moment to glance at it and she saw that it was Dan, did she really want to take this call?

“Hello.” She answered.”

“What happened Chloe, I saw you guys arrive at the scene and I turn around and you were gone?   Now I find out that you’ve taken some days, are you okay?” he asked worried.

“I’m fine Dan, it’s Lucifer.” She shared.    Maybe getting someone else’s opinion would be a good thing.   Dan had his faults, but he was a good listener.

“What about Lucifer?” Dan asked genuinely concerned.    He still didn’t like the guy, but he didn’t hate him as much as he you too.   He had come to figure out that he wasn’t as bad as he thought, and maybe just maybe something really had happened to him to make him the way that he was.

“You know that we are working the Curtis Miles’ case, I had to go and meet his wife at a Rape Survivors meeting.  I took him along with me.”

“Oh God, what did he do?    Are we going to be hearing back because of this?” Dan stated getting upset.

“No, he got up and he gave a testimonial.”

“What kind of testimonial?”

It was on the tip of her tongue to tell what he had said, but then she thought about him and his pride.   Lucifer had a lot of pride, but it was slipping, and she thought maybe he wouldn’t want Dan to know that about him.

“Has he been acting strange to you?” she asked changing the subject.

“Yea I have noticed some things about him.  He hasn’t called me douche in days, and you know I got like twenty puddings in the fridge here.   He likes to pretend that it wasn’t him that was taking them, but come on you and I both know that it was him.”

“I don’t know I took a few days to see if I can figure him out.   He just seems down, traumatized maybe.  I mean I know we were making jokes about his kidnapping, and then when the case came up we were just thinking about our victim turning up dead that we forgot that he was taken.    Then before he was killed by the sinnerman and we found Lucifer at his apartment, I asked him what had happened to him, and said he didn’t know.   The thing is, when I looked at his face, he was so….” she sobbed brokenly.

“Jesus Chloe, do you think he would hurt himself?” Dan asked.

Chloe had never thought about anything like that, and then she heard glass shattering.

“I’ll call you back!” she shouted running towards the bathroom.

 

*BI*

“Fucking divinity!” he shouted.

It was just like his wings.   He would cut himself and he’d immediately heal, but he’d feel the intensity of the pain because he was here he supposed.    Maybe he wasn’t doing it the right way, or maybe he didn’t have the right instrument.   He guessed if you in fact wanted to kill yourself, a pink lady shaver was not the one to do so.   He looked at himself in the mirror and It hit him.    He punched the mirror hard, and was thrilled when his knuckles bloodied.    He grabbed a shard, and hoped for the best.

“Lucifer!” Chloe shouted as she opened the door.

“Detective, what you need to do right now is stay back.”

Chloe didn’t know what to do he looked crazed as he held the glass to his wrist.    She noticed that there was blood dripping all over her floor.   That’s when she noticed that he had obviously broken the mirror with his fists because his hand was bleeding.    She didn’t know what to do, could she talk him down?   Did he really want to hurt himself?

“Lucifer please don’t do this?   I can help you, please don’t hurt yourself.” She pleaded.

“No detective you are confused, I don’t want to kill myself, but this is the only way.   Once I’ve stuck myself with this, and I die he’ll take it away.    That’s all I want, I don’t deserve them or a pocket watch, or his grace.    It’s a trap I know it is, it has to be!”

“You’re not making any sense Lucifer, I want to help you, but I can’t unless you tell me what’s going on?”

“I told you detective, it’s not my fault that you chose to think everything that comes out of my mouth is a lie.  I’m tell you the truth.”

“Okay you’re right I didn’t believe you, but I do now.   I believe you Lucifer, you’re the devil.” She told him as she slid closer to him.

“Oh Chloe, I’ve been wanting to hear you say that for so long, and believe me but you don’t.   Now I’m just what a hostile perp.   You are looking for ways to disarm me, then what you’re going to call your friends with the white coats and it’s back to the psychiatric hospital?   Just let me do this, I can’t let him win.   He did this to me, he dropped me I the desert, and he violated me in ways that I’ll never recover.   He is giving me something that I will not accept.    He made me the devil, he can’t just bloody well take it back.”

Chloe was afraid for her friend.  He truly had lost it.  He truly was broken.   The first thing she had to do was get that piece of glass from him, and then she’d get him to sit down, and finally she would have to call someone to take him away.    She would stay with him though, no matter what she would not leave him.

“Here take it, you’ll never understand.” He sighed passing her the glass.

“It’s going to be okay Lucifer.   I’m here for you, and I’m not going anywhere.   I love you.” She sobbed.

She didn’t even care that she had said it.   She took this broken man in her arms and she knew that she would see him through this.   She didn’t care what his diagnosis was, or the fact that Dan clearly wouldn’t want him around Trixie.    They were going to be kinks that would have to be figured out, but just like Lucifer she never went back on a promise and she would always be there for him.

“You love me?” He asked in disbelief.   “Does that mean if I needed a favor you would, do it?” he asked.

“Yes Lucifer, I’m here for you I told you whatever you need.” She told him sincerely.

“Good, I need you to take that glass in your hand and cut my wings off.    Maybe if you do it they won’t keep coming back.” He told her.

Before she could even say anything, two huge white wings appeared out of nowhere, but somehow, they were attached to his back.

“Oh my God.” She gasped.

 

**End Notes:   Sorry for the delay.   Still recovering from my hospital stay.  I guess I’m biting off more than I can chew in the real world.   Today I relaxed and finally finished this.   Now I just gotta put out my Halloween story, but it won’t be on Halloween lol.   Remember comments are love.**


End file.
